This Is Not Our Date Night Era

There was a time when we’d have a reservation at a cozy restaurant to celebrate Valentine’s Day. I’d dress up, spray perfume and then sip champagne toasting our young love.  

Things are different now but not “bad” different. Just … different. I don’t love my husband any less. In fact, there’s no way I could love him more, but we’re not in our “traditional romance” era right now. This is not our date night era.

We’re in the, “I hope we can be asleep by 9:30 because we have a big day tomorrow” era.

We’re in our “work all day and then go watch youth sports at night” era. 

We’re in our “sweat pants feel so good” era. 

10 Ways I Find Romance

I know we will blink, the kids will leave and we will have endless opportunities for date nights and cozy restaurants. I’m not wishing away this time, but I do look forward to having more time with my husband. But right now, in the chaos of the everyday, there are so many ways I find romance:

  1. Last week, after a long day of working, parenting, and adulting I collapsed into bed as if I’d been shot with a horse tranquilizer. I tried to read my book but I was so tired I found myself reading, then re-reading the same page.  Penn already had his light off and was trying to sleep but I touched his arm and said. “I don’t think I can do it. I’m so tired I can’t muster the strength to sit up to turn off my lamp.” The man got out of bed, walked over to my side, turned off my light, kissed my forehead then got back under the covers. If that isn’t true love, I don’t know what is.
  2. When we travel he always brings an extra contact case because he knows that I will 100% forget mine.
  3. He does 100% of the kiddo nighttime pickups because he knows I hate driving at night.
  4. If I order a new or different type of wine at dinner, he orders something he knows I’ll like for himself. Because 100% of the time, I don’t like this new wine he will switch with me.
  5. I’m an “acts of service” love language kind of girl, so when he puts air in my tires it makes my heart go flutter.
  6. He flirts with me even though I’m wearing my 20 year old fleece sweatpants.
  7. He’s genuinely interested in things that interest me. When I was on a kick and did a series of triathlons, he started swimming, biking, and running too. He didn’t really WANT to, but he wanted to understand what captured my attention. Even last week, I started watching a show when he was out of town. It’s not his typical pick, but he wanted to know about the show I was watching.
  8. My guy has a raging case of ADHD (Shameless plug: His new book ADHD Is Awesome: A Guide To (Mostly) Thriving with ADHD is available for pre-order now.) In it he talks about some of our relationship struggles and how hard it is for his brain to quiet to really listen in a conversation. Now, if I start talking, he puts down his phone or closes his computer – he squares his shoulders and really tries to focus. Seeing him do the work knowing how important it is to me is really romantic.
  9. While I may not have ADHD, I do struggle with anxiety. He never makes me feel less than or broken on days when the anxiety-meter is peaking. That’s true love.
  10. He loves me every single day. He grabs my butt when I’m cooking, he sneaks a kiss while we’re shooting a video, he notices I’m struggling and he will wrap me in a huge hug.

It’s not a dozen roses or an expensive piece of jewelry but it’s real. Happy Valentine’s Day to you and yours. What are the weird and wonderful ways you find romance with your person?

Much love,