When your college kid comes home for break, everything feels familiar and at the same time, completely different. It can be cozy and joyful… full of familiar routines, late-night conversations, and the comfort of having everyone under one roof again. But you also realize that they are changing. They keep their own hours. They move through the house with more independence. And you realize that you’re trying to figure out a brand-new relationship with no roadmap.
In anticipation of this change, we spoke to our favorite parenting expert, Dr. Lisa Damour, on a recent episode of our podcast, Laugh Lines. Dr. Lisa helps parents reframe this in-between season with practical, compassionate advice: how to approach your college student as a respectful co-habitant, how to communicate without making it weird, when to step in (and when to step back), and how to celebrate the amazing new person your child is becoming. Here are 5 things we learned:
1. Treat Them Like A (Sort Of) Roommate
This one was a lightbulb moment for me. When your kid comes home from college, they’re not just your kid anymore. They’re sort of a roommate. That means courtesy matters. If they’re coming home for dinner, they should tell you. If they’re not, they should also tell you. Just like you wouldn’t ghost a roommate and leave them wondering why they made too much spaghetti. They’re still your child. But framing this as respectful co-living instead of parenting regression helps everyone breathe easier.
2. Crossed Wires Will Happen
Dr. Lisa said this and I wanted to write it on a Post-it: There will be crossed wires. Plans will change. Assumptions will be wrong. Someone will think everyone agreed on something that absolutely no one agreed on. This isn’t failure, it’s the learning curve. If you expect the miscommunication, it’s easier not to take it personally when it happens. Talk it out. Reset. Move on.
3. Let Them Hibernate
If your college kid comes home and immediately sleeps for three days, congratulations, this is normal. College is a lot. New environment, new people, new pressure, and probably less-than-stellar dorm living. Home is where they finally get to rest. Dr. Lisa calls this hibernation, and once I reframed it that way, it got much easier to watch someone sleep until 11:30 without spiraling.
4. Be Explicit About What You Need
Your college kid can’t read your mind (even though it feels like they used to). If you need them home for a specific event, say so. If you’re making dinner and need to know whether to include them, ask. Clear expectations prevent resentment on both sides.
5. Celebrate the New Person They’re Becoming
This might be the most important one. Yes, this version of your kid might feel unfamiliar. But they’re also more independent, more capable, and often pretty amazing. Take a minute to notice that. Ask for their opinion. Let them teach you something. Marvel at who they’re becoming. It doesn’t mean you’re losing them. It means you’re meeting them again in a new way.
A New Chapter
College breaks are a transition. Not just for our kids, but for us. And while it may feel awkward, emotional, and occasionally exhausting, it’s also a sign that something is going right. If your house feels different when your college kid comes home, you’re not doing it wrong. You’re just navigating the next chapter.
Listen to this episode and tell us what you think or what advice you have!
