It sounds so crazy to say, but WE WROTE A BOOK! If you’re used to seeing us in three minute bursts, dancing like complete goofballs in our videos, brace yourselves.
Don’t get me wrong, that is the real us. But it’s the real us plus background music, good lighting, and let’s face it, a little autotune. We share a lot of ourselves with the internet but we’ve never peeled back the curtains like this before. Here’s the truth: Our marriage is solid, but it’s taken a lot of work.
Everybody Fights, Even Us
By the time we published our first video, we had already been in marriage counseling. We were really good at loving each other but we sucked at fighting. We weren’t in crisis, but it was easy to see how little arguments and even worse, days of silence, could create catastrophic cracks in the foundation. We took the lessons, tools, and magic words we learned in those sessions and transformed our marriage. Our arguments become productive. For example, Penn really didn’t like it when I shamed him on social media for not refilling the toilet paper for a week. Lesson learned.
For the past two years, in between the silly videos and with the help of our marriage coach, Penn and I started writing Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better at It. We wanted to explore the most common fights couples have, and provide real, simple, and sometimes, funny advice on how to emerge stronger.
There is a lot of laughter in our marriage and in this book, but we share the real, raw stories that brought us to our knees. What makes us qualified? I figured you’d ask so here’s a snippet from the book:
Why should you listen to us? After all, most books about improv-ing your marriage are written by someone who has a bunch of letters after their name or a lab named after them. We don’t have secondary degrees. We’re not performing rigorous double-blind studies on the mating habits of rats; we are the rats. We’re not decked out in lab coats testing hypotheses; we’re in the maze looking at each other like, “Where did you put that &*!% cheese?”
Our goal is to make our fights more productive. And we want to teach you how to turn your recurring fights into useful conversations that will help your relationship thrive.
In the book, you’ll learn how to
- ask for what you want.
- stop hijacking conversations.
- use magic words to change course mid-fight.
- tell your partner exactly what they want to hear—without faking it.
- declare bankruptcy on perfection.
- treat your partner like a stranger—and feel closer than ever as a result.
- amend your secret contracts.
- banish the three Ds—distraction, denial, and delay.
- harness the power of metacommunication.
- stop stonewalling.
Every technique in this book was forged and battle-tested in our own relationship. We’ll go into the gory details—the real masks-off, gruesome, nitty-gritty—of our most stubborn fights. And … we find a way to make you smile. So get ready to feel all the feels!
The book is available for pre-order now! We can’t wait to share this with you. Tell us the most common fight you have! We’d love to hear from you.