Hi, my name is Kim. I used to live with anxiety and depression. Now I don’t. I have just fundamentally changed my personality. It’s as simple as that. (Please roll your eyes at those previous statements.)
If you watched last night’s episode of The Amazing Race, you saw me re-introduce myself as the kind of person who simply “goes with the flow.” Here’s the thing, I so desperately want to be the type of person who can “go with the flow” and “enjoy the ride” and all the other phrases used to describe those with stable mental health.
But in honesty, my mental state is more swimming fiercely “against the flow” and “deeply pondering the existence of every ride.”
Meet The New Kim
One of the most common questions I get about The Amazing Race experience (besides “when do you pee?”) is “How has this experience changed you?” I haven’t answered it before because I wanted to let this episode play out. Being on this show is an incredible privilege, and it’s been a line on my bucket list my entire adult life. You can laugh after you read this next sentence, but I really thought I’d be one of those people who was so joyful for every new experience the show presented. I pictured myself “going with the flow” on The Race. (You can laugh. I understand.)
If you’ve watched so far, you’ve seen us overcome fears, celebrate wins, and laugh off our mistakes. Behind the scenes? Whew. I was a mess. I was missing my kids fiercely (remember no cell phones so we couldn’t talk to them) and my already constant anxiety was peaking. Penn was being a supportive partner, but I was done. I was done feeling that way. I was done not enjoying myself. So, I just decided … I’m going to ACT like the kind of person who enjoys every moment. I was going to pretend to be the type of person who can look at obstacles and smile.
In this entire experience, this is the one that changed me the most profoundly. We talk more about this and the other drama on last night’s episode in our recap.
