If you’ve been here a while, you know your friend Kim walks with anxiety on a daily basis. I often have thought “if I could sleep through the night, eat enough protein, and manage my anxiety and emotions, I’d be unstoppable.” And that’s because anxiety has often stopped me — from resting, from focusing, from showing up the way I want to. My brand of anxiety can be debilitating at times. My brand of anxiety doesn’t need a particularly stressful event to trigger. It could just be a sunny Tuesday and BAM! Anxiety.
I am unapologetically medicated for my anxiety because for me, I have found anxiety to be more of a hindrance than a super power. So when I hear people say anxiety is a tool, I feel a little triggered.
How can anxiety be good?
When Anxiety Is Too Much
This week we invited our new friend Ethan Kross on the podcast to help give us more insight on that. Ethan is a psychologist, neuroscientist, and director of the Emotion and Self-Control Lab at the University of Michigan. He’s also the author of Chatter and Shift, all about taking control of your emotions and the voice in your head. We discuss how to distance your self-talk, mentally “time travel” and ways Penn deals with emotional flooding due to ADHD.
Ethan maintains that not all anxiety is bad. Anxiety can be useful—it helps alert us to things that matter, like preparing for a public talk or staying safe in uncertain situations. The problem is volume and duration. “Too much anxiety—when it’s too intense or lasts too long—stops being helpful and becomes harmful,” explains Ethan. When anxiety becomes overwhelming or chronic, it’s a sign you need to step in and use tools—whether those are mental strategies, social support, or professional help like therapy or medication.
Distanced Self-Talk Strategies
Apparently, the goal isn’t zero anxiety. The goal is to turn the volume down so you can function well. Your emotions aren’t broken — they’re trying to help. You just need the right tools to keep them in check. One tool Ethan shared is something called “distanced self-talk.” It’s as simple as this: when you’re spiraling, talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend — using your name or “you.” So instead of saying, I’m freaking out, you say, Kim, you’ve done hard things before. You’ve got this. It sounds small, but research shows it can actually shift your perspective and calm your nervous system.
Stick around until the end when we take a call from the Laugh Line on all-inclusive resorts, talk about borgs, and Penn’s favorite new show, Game Changer with Sam Reich. Happy listening!
