A couple of years ago, Penn and I realized something while we were in one of our sessions with our marriage coach, Christopher Edmonston. We were having a lot of the same fights and never really coming to a resolution. The arguments wouldn’t last long, but they never really got resolved. One of us would always apologize and we’d move on, but we were using “I’m Sorry” as a “Please-don’t-be-mad-at-me-let’s-just-let-this-go” bandage. It did us a lot more harm than good.
When we used the phrase “I’m Sorry” flippantly it was really more about making ourselves feel better. We weren’t taking the time to understand each other and it was festering.
Tell Me More
It turned out this was happening because we didn’t feel a secure attachment with one another. When you lack secure attachment, you play into your partner’s insecurities and push their buttons. You also shut down or give up without solving anything.
This week on the podcast, we talk about what to say when faced with a conflict with your partner. By replacing “I’m Sorry” with “Tell Me More” or “Help me understand where you’re coming from” you can get to the root of the issue and work to fix it.
Listen to our episode and tell us if any of this relates to you.
