I’ve always been a to-do list person. Like, color-coded tabs, shared Google Docs, packing cubes for packing cubes… that kind of person. So you can only imagine the lists I’m packing as I prepare to send my first child off to college this fall. These lists are obviously how I cope with big transitions and life events. The tabs are like a weighted blanket. Checking off an item makes me feel like I have some small measure of control. But what happens when the lists are all complete?
This week, Penn and I had Dr. Lisa Damour on our podcast to talk about real college advice. I shared my need for spreadsheets and to-do lists, and Dr. Lisa said something that hit me right in the feels: Sometimes the breakdown doesn’t come until the list is done. She shared how she held it together through the entire college prep process— until the night there was nothing left to do but say goodnight to her daughter in her bed one last time. That’s when it all hit.
All this organizing might be my way of holding the emotions at bay, but once that last box is packed, those feelings may find their way out.
The Best College Advice
Along with the always brilliant advice from Dr. Lisa Damour, we got TONS of messages from you all about tips for kids leaving the nest. Everyone from parents to professors to actual college students! You all had some advice I didn’t even know to be aware of.
We shared some of the best notes on the podcast, but it would have been a 10 hour show if we included everyone’s tips. So, because you know that I love a list… here are 60 pieces of the best college advice before your kid goes away to school:
College Advice About Safety (For Parents)
Your kid has medical amnesty if they ever need help. They should always call for help in any emergency situations (even related to alcohol/substance use) without fear that they will get in legal or university-based trouble.
Make sure they have Narcan. It will not hurt anyone if it’s not the solution, but it will save a life if it is.
A box of condoms is required on the pack list. A lot of these kids have never had freedom like the first few months of college, and it’s better to be safe.
Have them program the numbers for campus police and any campus number for mental health/crisis programmed into their phone. They may not need it, but they may be able to help someone who does.
If they are having sex, encourage them to get STD tested once a year even if they don’t have symptoms. If they get an STD, they can use the anonymous STD text app to inform anyone they’ve been with if they are not comfortable telling them.
Be sure your kid and their friends can track each other’s location.
Remind them to always know where the exit is, even in classroom buildings and other places on campus. This can be true for violence, fires or anything else.
Make sure your kid grants you access to her medical portal due to HIPPA regulations. A hospital will not share information on your child if she has to go to the ER.
Send them off with the Uber app installed on their phone with your credit card number. You never want them to be in a position where they cannot leave a situation.
Encourage them to not Uber alone, or share ride info with a friend to be safe.
For the parents of daughters, remind them: Don’t be polite to men who creep you out. (Hear Penn’s theme song here.)
College Advice About Partying (For Students)
Get a “fracket” also known as a frat jacket. A cheap zip up hoodie that she won’t care about if she leaves it at a party or gets snagged in a bush on the drunken walk back to the dorms. (Also, frat shoes! Old, gross sneakers.)
Eat before you go out. Don’t say “oh I’m not hungry. I’ll have something later. I don’t have time.” That’s a recipe for disaster. Eat before you go to the parties.
Don’t drink the punch! You don’t know what’s in there or how strong the drink is.
Always keep your eye on your drink at parties. Never walk away from it or turn around leaving it open.
If you don’t like the vibe of where you’re at, you can just leave. It’s not rude. You do not have to stay. You do not need to be polite.
Keep a loaf of bread in your room. After a night out, eat a slice for every drink you have. It will soak it up. Also in the morning you have bread there to eat if you are hungover.
If you go to a party, sporting event or activity with someone, leave with them too. Make sure both of you are home safe after the evening is over even if drinking wasn’t involved.
Don’t be the drunkest person in your group, be the soberest! Be the one that gets everyone home including yourself.
Always pour/mix your own drinks. Never drink anything someone just hands you.
Always have a Designated Driver. If your DD drinks, get an Uber/Lyft. If they said they were worried about the car getting towed, etc… I told them I’d rather pay the ticket than have you be dead or lose your license.
College Advice About Academics (For Students)
Read the syllabus and do what it says. Professors spend a crazy amount of time preparing these and it is beyond frustrating when students obviously don’t read them and do the opposite of what the course guidelines are.
Join two clubs: One for something you enjoy and one connected to your major.
Office hours aren’t what they used to be, but take some time to go to a professor’s office hours either in-person or virtually. Introduce yourself and talk about what interests you. Look up the CV of who is teaching you and ask them questions about their work.
Take at least one class in something you know nothing about. Or take at least one class just for fun. A lot of schools offer a pass/fail option for one or two classes so use that if it makes you more comfortable.
You don’t have to be the loudest student in class. Thoughtful comments are always appreciated and if you are quiet, please consider that your superpower. Find at least one area to contribute to a discussion, but know that we can tell the difference between someone participating just to talk and someone thinking through a response.
Go to events that are new. Read books. Try out for student groups. Learn from people whom you would never have interacted with outside of school. Employers still care quite a bit about people who can think their way through a problem and who are genuinely curious.
College Advice About Independence (For Parents)
Let them fail, but be there at the end with admiration, warmth, and respect. Help them find their way, with y’all as a family unit.
Make them start being responsible for their lives now so that fall isn’t as hard. Have them do all their own laundry, buy their essentials (even if you give them cash) and set their schedule.
As of now they make their own choices. You can give advice but the decision is theirs, respect it even if you don’t like it.
College is their job. They need to be responsible for it. If there is something that needs to be scheduled (aka orientation or move-in) make them call or get online to do it.
If you don’t hear from them, it’s likely a good thing. Set up a weekly call for your sake, but don’t pester them.
Just like when you finally let them take the car out by themselves, this is going to drive you (the parents) crazy, but your child is becoming their own person, and they will come to you when they need help. Your new little adult is experiencing so many new things that it really is requiring their full attention and all of their time. They still love you, and they know where to find you.
Be ready to fly at a moment’s notice just in case…in other words, your college kid will need you at times. Sometimes you may need to fly (or drive) last minute for an unexpected situation like illness or a college closure due to an external event. So keep up your airline point memberships and keep your gas tank full.
College faculty and staff legally can’t tell you info about your kid so don’t call and try to get information.
When your kid comes home to visit, remember they are an adult. Let them keep being responsible for themselves. Ask their plans and inform them of yours. If they miss dinner, then they can feed themself.
College Advice About Independence (For Students)
You can always change your mind, change your major, change your friends, or your environment. This will be one of the few periods of your life that you get to make decisions solely for YOURSELF. Put yourself first.
Be smart. Think through things and try not to act on impulse. Choices you make now can and will change your future.
You WILL get homesick. Just have a plan for when that happens.
Learn the names of campus janitorial and dining hall staff. Call them by name when thanking them for all they do. And say those thank yous often.
Use that college ID! There are sooo many discounts out there from Amazon Prime for college kids, streaming services, etc. Target has a 15% discount they can use once at the beginning of the year for college kids with an ID. Search for student ID discounts!
Mental health services are free on campus and all kids have a time when they need them. Normalize it!
It’s okay if someone, who was your ride or die one semester, is barely around the next. In college friendships are mostly built on proximity; it doesn’t say anything about you.
Do laundry during the week because it’s always crowded on the weekends.
Just because the dryer buzzed doesn’t mean your clothes are dry! If you fold them while still wet, they will smell and get moldy.
Eat breakfast. The dining hall is open and it’s the best thing you can do to be healthy and mentally productive.
You don’t have to workout, but be active. Walk as much as you can and take the stairs as often as you can. Being active will help both your physical and mental health.
Don’t get over involved, you need at least one night to just chill and rest.
If you are the religious type: get involved in a church…. that’s where all the free food is.
Agree on a day/time you will FaceTime with your parents once a week. This is so good for everyone involved.
Keep track of your things and stay with your pants.
If you’re afraid to get caught, don’t do it. Plain and simple.
College Advice About Moving In (For Parents & Students)
Take things you love to your dorm room (aka favorite books, memory item or pillow) these items make it feel more like home.
Be honest with your roomie when you agree to room rules. Honest about your cleanliness, habits and preferences. Don’t try to be cool or just agree.
Get a large travel makeup case and if you share a bathroom. That way you can keep everything in one bag.
When shopping for big dorm items, don’t plan to split the cost with the roommate. Freshman year roommates don’t always work out for sophomore year. Make things easy and just split up the stuff to buy and take it home yourself.
Bring a doorstop and keep your dorm room door open at the start! It’s a great way to meet people. Remember everyone is in the same boat and the start of the year is the best time to make connections.
Take the plastic wrapping off the air purifier filter, so many people miss taking off the wrapper! Can be a fire hazard, but also doesn’t purify when it’s wrapped.
Purchase lots of different organizers, closet things, extension cords, etc. before you arrive on campus. That way you can “shop” from the back of the car, and could return things that we didn’t need.
Make sure they have a medical kit including: thermometer, Ibuprofen/Tylenol, cold & flu medicine, cough drops, Vicks, vitamin C packs, band aids, antibiotic and itch relief ointments, Benadryl (allergic reactions or bee stings), gauze, ace wrap, medical tape, ice packs, antacids, and eye drops.
What best college advice did we miss? Tell us in the comments and hear the podcast with Dr. Lisa Damour below:
