Early on in our marriage, I always thought of compromise as 100%. I wanted Penn to be 100% as invested in something as I was into. In return, I would be 100% invested in something he wanted to do, even if it wasn’t my thing. That works sometimes, but it can be exhausting. Over time, Penn and I learned that compromise isn’t always 100% – heck, it may not even be 50/50. Compromise is a delicate formula for how invested you need your partner to be in order for your idea or activity to feel valued. Our Marriage Coach, Christopher Edmenston, is with us this week to talk through the art of compromise in a marriage and how we can both get what we want.
One thing I love about Penn is that he is so spontaneous. He truly lives in the moment, something I have a very hard time doing. I am a planner. I like to have an itinerary. I like to have a goal. I like to have an outline. Sometimes it’s hard for me to relax, and just “ooze” as Penn calls it. Oozing means we let everything around us melt away and just be us. Christopher reminds Penn and I that we are attracted to each other for different reasons. While I admire that Penn can be so spontaneous, he likes that I bring some more structure into our lives.
In the podcast, I also learned that things like Vision Boards or saying big scary goals out-loud might be my thing, but it actually terrifies Penn. He likes to be more internal with his goals and celebrate them later when they do happen. Different strokes for different folks, people.
We’d love to hear how you compromise with your partner and how you set goals together. We’d also secretly love to know if you’ve ever sent an mildly suggestive text message on accident to your neighbor. No? Just us? Cool, cool, cool.
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