This week we had a podcast with Dr. Amelia Kelley, and it hit me harder than I expected. What started as a fun episode swapping ridiculous ADHD hacks—like putting your keys in the fridge so you don’t forget your lunch, or tying your apron so tight you literally can’t sit down and forget you’re cooking—turned into something a lot more personal. As Dr. Kelley explained how ADHD shows up in women, I felt like someone was quietly holding up a mirror.
For most of my life, I’ve brushed off the racing thoughts, the late-night mental lists, the constant feeling that I was ten steps behind. I told myself it was just anxiety, or more recently, perimenopause. I blamed the hormones, the stress, the endless “mental load” of being a mom, wife, daughter, business owner. And sure, all of that plays a role—but what if it’s also something else?
The Hidden Side of ADHD in Women
Dr. Kelley described how ADHD in women often hides in plain sight. Unlike the stereotypical “hyperactive little boy” version we all picture, women’s symptoms are more likely to be internalized. Instead of bouncing off classroom walls, we’re spinning inside our heads—thoughts racing, emotions churning, anxiety building.
She told us that this often gets misdiagnosed as plain anxiety, or brushed off as being “stressed” or “overwhelmed.” And women are really, really good at masking. We over-function, we plan ten steps ahead, we hold the birthdays and the dentist appointments and the grocery lists in our heads—because if we don’t, things fall apart.
Anxiety vs. ADHD
So how do you know if you just have anxiety or if you have undiagnosed ADHD as a woman? Dr. Kelley explained the difference between the two. Both can bring on racing thoughts, but they feel different:
Anxiety racing thoughts often carry this heavy sense of impending doom—a tightening in your chest, the belief that something bad is about to happen.
ADHD racing thoughts, on the other hand, scatter in every direction—jumping from watering a plant, to paying a bill, to “oh wait, I need to start dinner”—until you’re completely derailed from the thing you started with.
Another term Dr. Kelley brought up is rejection sensitive dysphoria—the overwhelming pain of feeling like you’ve let someone down, even in small ways. I recognized myself in that too. Penn can give me the gentlest feedback, and I’ll feel shame instead of support. Somehow, my brain can take even well-meaning words and twist them into criticism. This is also something that can show up in people who have ADHD.
What I’m Learning
I’ll admit that I’ve resisted even entertaining the idea that I might have ADHD. We’ve built books, podcasts, and interviews around the idea that I don’t have it. That’s Penn’s thing. But what if it’s not just him? And how many of us women are blaming ourselves, blaming our hormones, or carrying this weight silently because we don’t realize this is a possibility?
ADHD is not always obvious, especially in women. And to make things more complicated, anxiety and ADHD can overlap. But it’s important to know, they’re not the same. Masking and over-functioning might help you “get by,” but they can also hide what’s really happening.
Getting Clarity
I don’t know yet what this means for me. Maybe it’s time for my own evaluation. Maybe I’ll keep sorting through what’s anxiety, what’s perimenopause, and what might be ADHD. But I do know this: hearing another woman say, “This isn’t just stress—it’s a different kind of brain,” made me feel a little less alone.
And if you’re reading this and thinking, wait… that sounds like me, I hope you feel less alone too. Because whether it’s hormones or ADHD or just the messy reality of being human, you deserve to understand yourself—not blame yourself.
If any of this feels familiar to you, start by listening to our show. You can also read more in Dr. Kelley’s book, take a free screener to reflect on your symptoms, or make an appointment with a licensed medical professional. Thanks for being here.
