We all wish we had a time machine every now and again. There are things we wish we’d been brave enough to do, boyfriends/girlfriends we should have dumped sooner and a few perms I should have skipped.
But most of all, there are the ideas we built our behaviors and beliefs on before we were old enough to know better. While I’m grateful for the woman my own missteps have helped me become, I’m hoping passing my experiences on to my kids saves them a bit of heartbreak and anxiety along the way.
Here are three misconceptions I’ve learned to dismiss as I’ve gotten older:
1. You can do anything you set your mind to.
I understand why we tell our kids they can be and do anything they want. I get it, I do. We want them to push the limit of their imaginations and strive for their dreams. But as a 5’4” human, would I ever be a candidate for the WNBA? I’m sure there are examples of athletic women of my size making it in professional basketball, but I’m guessing it’s rare. Penn wanted to be an astronaut. But he’s nearsighted and colorblind.
Besides physical limitations on dreams there are so many examples in my own life of times when I worked incredibly hard … and still came up short. Jobs I didn’t get. Competitions I lost. Relationships that crashed and burned.
On a scale of zero-to-positive, I like to consider myself a “glass is half-full” kind of girl but I found myself so full of shame in those moments I tried (oh, how hard I tried) and things didn’t go as planned. I would think, “if only I had worked harder and REALLY set my mind to it.” Nope. It’s just that it’s not a true statement. Hard work will get you far in this life but it would never get me in the WNBA.
2. If something is hard, you should always stick it out.
I got this well-timed fortune after my meal recently and it was the kick in the pants I needed on a decision I needed to make in my personal life.
I’ve spoken a lot about my struggles with boundaries and saying “no.” Living with anxiety and depression only makes these things more complicated. But it’s so important to know when to walk away. Whether it’s a relationship, job, or even a fitness goal, knowing when something is no longer serving you and your wellbeing and that it’s OK to walk away is so important. Life is too short to suffer needlessly, especially when you have the power to make a change. (Also, see above. When you set your mind to something and it doesn’t workout … it’s brave to just MOVE ON.)
3. What other people think about you matters.
That expression “keeping up with the Joneses” (or Kardashians, if that’s your persuasion) has overstayed its welcome. When I was younger, I worried about what total strangers would think about my clothes, the car I drove, the music I listened to, heck, even my drink order at the bar. I was obsessed with being “current.” But all that stress didn’t suit me then and I have no time for it now. These days, I know what I like and I’m done apologizing for it. I say, forget about trends, especially when they’re going to cost you money. No one else is losing sleep over what you wear, so why should you?
What is some advice you received when you were younger than you’ve since moved on from? Share with us in the comments what you would tell your younger self instead.
